TG Newsletter: Tot Hie' Rally 2024
Tot Hie' Rally
(27 - 29 September 2024)
The Tot Hie’ rally is a by-invite-only event.
Each year, we round up our friends, funnel them over to the Riempie farm here in Mooinooi, and party like the chrome’s running out.
Riempie Farm
We must be getting popular, as this was the biggest Tot Hie’ yet. We even organised a food truck! The Death Star Canteen supplied yummy food all through the weekend. Best decision we ever made! Who wants to stand over the stove, sweating in the kitchen while everybody else is outside comparing… riding skills?!?
Death Star Canteen (Louis Koshiaris)
First one to arrive was Charley Cooper. We rushed to meet him down in the valley before the road got really tricky. Chikita jumped on his Bonnie Trumpet and rode it up to the farm, while Charley escorted Skinny back to town to buy bags of ice. At the Total garage they had a quick look in the freezer, and Skinny asked Charley to take ALL the bags.
While standing at the till, Skinny saw the manager storming out of her office to glare at Charley who was emptying out her vrieskas – and whose intention it is to look like a carefree biker hobo who has come for a nap on your lawn. Steam came whistling from her ears and just as she was about to start screaming, Skinny piped up and asked Charley how many bags there were. With a Wimbledon leftrightleftright she sheepishly remarked, “Oh… he’s with you… Wait Oom, let me get you a trolley.”
Ice stocked up, we headed back to the farm where there was already a gaggle of bikers assembled on the lawn.
The tents started pitching, the canteen started sizzling, and the beers started popping.
Six degrees of Charley Cooper… By spanner or by master link, everybody knew everybody else in some distinct form or another. Some locals and some imports. While the sun might have called it quits, we waded through boozy cups, determined to out-party Johnnie, Jack and José.
A thoughtfully shaped Tot Hie’ birthday cake was baked for the five people that celebrated the anniversary of their epic vaginal descent. It was a moist chocolate cake, and suspiciously by morning there was only the left nut left!?!
For a change we actually drank ourselves BACK into focus.
Remind me to hide the koukies before I pass out next time…
Wiping the whisky-crystals from our eyes we woke the next day to a lurvly fresh African sky, ready to take us on a two-wheeled adventure to the north.
There was a gravitational pull towards the exotic Kove’s, specifically the newly launched Kove 800X Rally, where VokkenConrad (from Off Road Cycles) went through every button, lever and switch.
The world’s lightest and most powerful ADV, the dual cylinder, vertical, DOHC water-cooled engine brings a maximum power of 71kW @ 9000rpm. Maximum torque of 81Nm @ 7500 rpm, and a maximum speed of 210km/h. The 20L fuel tank can guarantee a cruising range of 400km.
But our Tot Hie’ doesn’t go THAT deep into the wilderness! It’s more about the motion of the ocean. The mellow mountains on the other side of the mine heaps were but 30kms away.
Probably the most difficult section of riding for the whole day was just getting off the farm. Most people made it through the gate, albeit with a little waddle here and there, but then… then there was Sandi. She put her left fork in, she put her right fork in, she teetered and she tottered and she turned herself around – that’s what it’s all about! ♫
Thank heavens our photographer had nerves of steel!
In life we cherish our friends and family, but on a ride like this – would we even notice if we lost one? Keeping the group more or less together, we stopped often. But that might have also been because we needed to top up our alcohol concentration.
At Maretlwane dam, we had to cross the damn wall that has been crumbling into smaller and smaller concrete blocks over the years. Some attempted the slippery, narrow ledge around the side, while other, wiser riders rather hopped over the cracked wall.
Watching Coetzee “get the shot” standing steadfastly in front of Andrew as the latter tried to manoeuvre safely to the other side, we realised why the media normally have a short life expectancy. Luckily, they’re a dime a dozen…
The Saturday-Sun began to turn up the gas-burners and everybody grabbed a cold one, while some decided to feel the wind on their vajayjays.
We moved on from here following small twee-spoor tracks, sneaking past granite blocks down no-entry roads, riding where only cows leave their steaming dung. A broken-down truck trailer blocked the road for our back-up cars, but with Leon large and Laine in charge, they squeezed past painlessly with mere molecules between steel panels.
An unplanned stop at the Circle Sport Bar turned into the perfect opportunity to hand out some lucky draw prizes, generously sponsored by Daniel Mulder Distributors and Off Road Cycles.
From the opposite side of the road, five wide-eyed kids were admiring these rowdy bikers invading their little town. So, we called them over and gave each of them a goodie-bag and let them pick out their favourite bike. The owner of that bike would then swap the gift bag for a bag of sweets.
We wish we could understand Tshwana, as each kid immediately picked a different bike – almost like they knew a thing or two about fuel injection and variable valve timing. There were so many happy smiling mugs… and then there were the kids. They loved every second, twisting throttles and making race-faces!
And the gifts were splendid! From brush sets, tool bags, tank bags and even a fire pit with a grill.
Daniel Mulder Distributors
Off Road Cycles
In the words of Donovan Fourie, “We had like 98 less punctures than last year.” We packed bags of bombs and tubes and levers, just in case, but as Murphy would have it, we didn’t get even one little prick during the weekend. On the way home, though, was a completely different story. Reporting back on the WA group, we had four riders stranded with pap tyres. Luckily, everybody did eventually make it home.
The best description of riding in a large group on powdery dirt roads:
My nostrils feel like glazed donuts
Andrew Catchpole
For lunch we stopped at the vibrant JOMP Brewing Company where we drank lager, ate smash burgers, vibed with Chris Kearney and slammed back a jellytotty Tot Hie’ shottie!
Jomp Brewing Company
Back on the Riempie farm, most riders took a quick pool cool just in time for the rugby and another session of hard liquor, soft rump and fried ice cream!!!
We’re not sure but we think these bikers run on LED batteries as the shenanigans went on long after midnight.
Sunday morning started with a sausage swinging contest…
Ghum…! Gggghum!! Ggghhhummm!!!
And even though all the girls were enthusiastic to sink their teeth into some viennas, the winner was – VINCE! His advantage was knowing first-hand the ‘angle of the dangle’…
Ilhanti Lodge served us a breakie and some MotoGP on the side before most people dropped off the Magaliesberg planet. Excuses ranged from collapsed mousses, to sexy wives. All tolerable reasons, but this left us with only ten brave riders to battle up the sharp steps on the northern side of Maanhaarrand.
Ilhanti Lodge
With different speeds, different skills and different intensities of cussing, we all eventually made it to the look-out point at the top, un-frayed, where the weekend came to an unforgettable end.
How could we not enjoy another Tot Hie’? It’s all about the friends that enjoy a good Tot Hie’ with you. Even though the Tot Hie’ is short, you will never forget our Tot Hie’! You might get jealous of our Tot Hie’ but get a grip and hold your own Tot Hie’.
There are three things that grown-ups cannot afford these days. One of them is ‘travel’. I’m not sure what the other two things are? Probably something like cheese…
Sandi Bothma
Grotto to Gravel
Thanx to the Photographer:
Hannelie van Schalkwyk (www.facebook.com/hannelie.schalkwyk)
CHIKITA PRODUCTIONS PRESENT:
Tot Hie’ Rally 2024, the rally for friends. We kuier, catch-up and crash. Dick measuring, engine comparisons, liver stability… make it out alive and you might get invited to the next one!
Video produced by Jolandi Mentz (29 Sep 2024)
SPONSORS:
Sponsored by Daniel Mulder Distributors (DMD) www.dmd.co.za
Forma Boots (www.formaboots.com)
Caberg Helmets (www.caberg.it)
Oxford Products (www.oxfordproducts.com)
Givi (www.givi.ite)
Answer Racing (www.answerracing.com)
Off Road Cycles (www.offroadcycles.co.za)
2M Lazy Lowder (www.2mtrailers.co.za)
PaintAbike by Phil Privett (www.instagram.com/paintabikesa)
HONESTY NEWSLETTER!
Blood, sweat and ink… we work for DAYS to bring you this newsletter. I’m sure you can take a few minutes and drop us a buck?
If you’re familiar with the rural concept of the honesty bar, this honesty newsletter ain’t much different... We are completely un-paid journalists, relying instead on readers using the honour system. You read the newsletter and then leave an amount you see fit for the entertainment you’ve received.
If you don’t find it particularly amusing, then you fork out NO dosh. We won’t stop sending you the letter – it is still mahala to those that count their coins and... and we love sharing our stories.
As requested by the overseas readers, you can donate to this newsletter on the following PayPal account:
OR...
You can do an EFT transfer to the account below.
Steek hom, Pappie!!!
Skinny & Chikita
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tankgirls
Instagram: @skinnyvanschalkwyk
Comentarios