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TG Newsletter: VESPA



Wys My Jou Vespa

(20 - 21 July 2024)


They made us an offer we could not refuse!

 

Damian and Elle from Hatfield Motorcycles gave us two Vespa GTS 300’s to use for a weekend.  Well… what do you do with a scooter for two whole days?

 

That's the hard part, making up your mind about what to do???  You get to ride a bike, a new bike, a fancy bike, an expensive bike.  You want to take it to the limits, but best would be to return it unscathed (something the Tank Girls ain’t too good at).  So… let’s ride through the streets of Gauteng for 24hrs and see how many other Vespasexuals we can meet up with.  Maybe 20 or so?  We thought…

 

Hatfield Motorcycles

 

We collected the wheels from Hatfield Motorcycles at their old shop.


Please note that they have moved: Shop 33, Eco Boulevard Shopping Centre, 270 Witch-Hazel Ave, Centurion

 

Elle showed us around all the clicks, and buttons, and flips.  She unlocked all the compartments and couldn’t hide a little nervous twitch in her face when we gleefully exclaimed that the dash-cubby was big enough to hold the hip flask.  We should really be more careful.  It’s dangerous to be honest women.

 

V is for Vespa, and throughout this article F might be replaced with V… iv I veel like it.

 

Vespa, being an iconic Italian brand, we started the morning with a strong cappuccino (for tea drinkers – Koffiehuis is strong) and a stern fobbing off.  A fob is a knob for a keyless start on your vunky new Vespa.

 

Clint’s Scoots

 

A quick spin around the block to get used to the small wheels, the kneestogether riding style, and break levers where clutch levers should be even though clutch levers are so yesterday.


Our hearts were still getting used to the whizz of a scooter, and our energy levels were holding up the roovs.  With high spirits we met six or seven other Vespa riders, including our Brown Italian friend, Given Selepe.  Clinton Lehman offered Skinny an espresso!  But he calmed her qualms by adding a shot of Grappa.  There are things that must be done and you do them and you never talk about them.  You don't try to justify them.  They can't be justified.  You just do them.  Then you forget it.

 

Vespa South Africa

 

After World War II, the Italians were vucked.  Their money was worth nothing, their roads were blasted into oblivion, and people would gladly swop a siesta for a meagre job.  AND… in walks the Piaggio family that use to work in the aerospace industry, building and developing planes.  They decided to boost the economy by building low cost, low maintenance, low flying, 2 wheeled transport.  Bikes that could take a poor family, over stuvved roads, to empty shops, where they couldn’t afford any groceries…

 

The first bike was built from old aircraft parts, and even some pieces of Mussolini’s old planes.  Designer D’Ascanio came up with a second attempt, similar looking to a wasp with the wide handlebars and nippy midline.  And so, the Vespa got its birth certificate: dated 1946!

 

Krugersdorp Airfield

 

From Centurion to Krugerdorp on THAT highway, notorious for speedytrappykoppies with blikses fast cars.  But when a little wasp wants to fly, you never say ‘Stop it!’  I guess the koppies couldn’t/wouldn’t believe that these low flying machines were mopeds.


At the airfield stood what looked like 20 Vespas outside in the parking.  As we walked through the building, we saw faces packed like Lego blocks.  People everywhere!  How would we ever find Robin Carr, Ian Marks and the other dudes?  Luckily most of them wore Vespa regalia, as you should.  Cause Vespa is to scooter, as Carlton Roll is to kitchen towel.

 

Our new friends offered us a silver tequila?!?  Silver?!?  Who competes to win silver?????

 

Even though we are incessantly warned, ‘Don’t eat so much or you’ll die, don’t smoke so much or you’ll die, don’t work so much or you’ll die, don’t drink so much or you’ll die.’  We never listen.  You know why?  Because nobody has ever said, ‘You will die tomorrow.’

 

The silver burned all the way down…

 

Moover’s Speedshop

 

A bit of busy Saturday traffic to experience the rush of bumper2bumper-unhappy-Saturday-shopping-husband road rage.  A near miss here, a melody of hooters there, and a bit of metacarpus suggestions in between, we made it safely to Tony Pereira’s shop.


A few new faces, a few old friends, some classics and one snail.

 

After Tony showed us around the impressive workshop and the Vespa paraphernalia shop, he unveiled his pride and joy – TURBO THE SNAIL!  This Vespa has morphed from a standard Vespa to a snot-streep screaming down the road, scaring children and old ladies.  Tony was having fun burning fuel and popping wheelies up and down the road.  Keep an eye out for these guys at StofSkop next month (7 September 2024)!


7th Avenue Footbridge

 

Using a pedestrian footbridge to cross the N1 highway, we were holing up a few Sixty60’s in need to make fast deliveries.  A few offered to swop bikes – with groceries included!

 

There was no way we would willfully give up these bikes.  We would go to the mattresses!


Vespa GTS 300 HIGHS:

Easy to understand, lekker to ride, smoov as vuk, VAST, low on fuel, more packing space than a bachelor flat, super sexy, seriously stable (not like the horses), comvy, no key…

 

Vespa GTS 300 SIGHS:

We are not in Italy, we are not rich, no first gear to park the bike on an incline (especially when you just dropped your camera in the middle of a busy road and you just quickly need to jump off and save the kiekie machine), no key…

 

We will…  Forgive.  Forget.  Life is full of misfortunes.


The Bike Bar

 

Nobody was home, but we found a few Vespas behind lock and key.


Lucas Liepner

 

At Lucas’ underground asylum where we couldn’t figure out exactly what keeps the lights flickering, we met up with the Vesparados.  We were re-robed in Lucas’s Hefner-style japonne and offered a much-desired beer.


Any minute we expected a bunny to hop out from behind a show piece Vespa.  You know… such a thing could be done without having it done.

 

We left in a big group with Skinny leading the Vespa train, but before she rounded the second traffic circle, she noticed that all the vollowing Vespas were gone?!?  Handbrake turn (literally) and she found the group stationary at the first circle.  Geezuz_Krismis!

 

No, seriously!  Geezuz_Krismis, met his Moses.  He took the edge a bit wide, hit a dusty patch, opened fire and swung his perfectly executed pivot turn straight into Chikita’s Vairing, missing her with a millimetre.


Accidents don't happen to people who take accidents as a personal insult.

 

Tortellino d’Oro

 

Hunger crept in and tequila started running low.  A quick stop at Tortellino made us reconsider our options.  A bit out of our price range, much like the scooters, we opted for another pasta tantalizer.


Cosa Nostra

 

It’s our thing…

We do good food, with good tequila and good friends.


This Italian kitchen in the corner is where the smoke engulfed, moustached mafia sit and talk loudly about the things they should change.

 

Salvatore invited us in to his restaurant of 18 years, where he starts with a little bit of oil and ends with a little bit o' sugar, that's his trick.

 

With a few smears of bloody Ragu on our collars, we left the guns and took the cannoli.

 

Lattelicious

 

It was time for gelato; delicious icy chilliness that control our brains.  Here we met up with the Johannesburg mob; Corleone, Pentangeli, Brasi and van Rensburg.


Could you design a more stylish bike?  With a tie down the front and bias binding around the edge.


Northcliff Hill

 

What a perfect spot for a twilight sitdown with a friend, looking over the smog covered city lights, sirens in the distance and a dog yelping behind the neighbour’s wall.  Ours was not perhaps the warmest friendship in the world, we would not send each other Christmas gift greetings, but we would not murder each other either.


Baha Taco

 

We rolled back to Norwood for a last one in The Burg.  It was getting freezing cold and our fingers started feeling like we might have stepped on the Don’s toes.

 

Great women are not born great, they grow great…


Railways Cafe

 

The short arm was ticking past 12, and we missed the entrancing Shotgun Tori playing at Railways.  We might have missed the music, but we supported the musician.

 

We let women dictate our actions even though they are not competent in this world, yet certainly they will be saints in heaven while men burn in hell.


Have you eva?  A drummer with sleeves???  Shooting, ripping, cracking up; with some assistance from the Tank Girls we adjusted his rock boy fashion style.  Christ, man, don't be ashamed of it, some men pray for the thunderbolt.

 

We had a long day of riding and needed to lam it for a while.  We ducked out of the venue and snuck back home for a quick snooze.

 

Scoots’nSka SC

 

The next morning, we headed out to Irene, to the unofficial Vespa Pretoria clubhouse.


Izak Nagel showed us were he hopes to establish a social club where the Vespa Mavia could meet, drink lager, light up a stogey and get soaked while they make their sinful plans.  Sort of like a tree house for some dangerous people which would be open every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday and Saturday.


Echt Coffee

 

On our breakvast run we zipped past a puddle of Vespas in distress at the Echt coffee container.  We stopped to see if we could be of any assistance (remembering that we still had a lukewarm shot of tequila in case of emergency), but more so for the Richard Scott Vespa art piece: https://richardscottshop.myshopify.com/


Village Bistro

 

Sunday breakfast; revenge is a dish that tastes best when served cold.  Though the pizza was smokin’ hot and the tables were quickly filling up with da families.  We had another hour left in our day and we had to get rollin’.


Italian Club Pretoria

 

That GoPro of Chikita has survived the worst that any human has ever thrown at an electronic apparatus.  As she sped up the N1 highway, I saw a little black block fall from her pocket and swerved to miss it as it bounced at me with force.  The bakkie behind me also missed it with a hard veer to the left, but the Corolla clipped the side and flicked it hard into its undercarriage.  All the traffic slowed as they watched the distraught biker girl staring into lane two.  If it wasn’t for two days of footage, I would have left that thing to become go-provitas!

 

Finally, an Italian beer!  Badda-bing!


Vinish!

Almost 700km later and an uncountable amount of Vespas, the day was done!


Fort Klapperkop

 

With only a dazzle of zebras to enjoy our achievement we popped the Prosecco (nicely kept cold in die bum-bucket).  Obviously forgetting that a POP would send the donkeys into a stampede, we downed our bubbly with only two Vespas in company.


“One day I will meet the rich Italian soccer player, Francesco Totti.  He will fall head over wheels in love with me and we will have a big traditional Italian wedding with a fede playing in the background.  As a wedding gift, I will ask him to buy me a Vespa, and we’ll register it in my name… Skinny Totti!”


Molte grazie fotografa:

Victoria de la Harpe (https://www.facebook.com/VJLandey)

 

HATFIELD MOTORCYCLES



CHIKITA PRODUCTIONS PRESENT:

Wys my jou Vespa! We took 2 Vespa GTS300's (Vrom Hatfield Motorcycles) Vor the day & road 24hrs through the streets of Gauteng so see how many other Vespas we could Vind. Low on Vuel, Vlippen Vast, smooth as Vuck, easy to ride, cooler than bananas! 650km later we had memory cards Villed with Vespa kiekies. V is for VESPA!!!

 

Video produced by Jolandi Mentz (20 Jul 2024)

 



SPONSORS & SPECIALS:

Sponsored by Daniel Mulder Distributors (DMD) www.dmd.co.za


Forma Boots (www.formaboots.com)

Caberg Helmets (www.caberg.it)

Oxford Products (www.oxfordproducts.com)

Answer Racing (www.answerracing.com)

Off Road Cycles (www.offroadcycles.co.za)


2M Lazy Lowder (www.2mtrailers.co.za)


PaintAbike by Phil Privett (www.instagram.com/paintabikesa)



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Arrivederci!!!

Skinny & Chikita


Instagram: @skinnyvanschalkwyk

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